Monday, May 19, 2014

No Really, I Got This

I'm a little bit irritated. With myself. This is why: I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. Here I am supposed to be my biggest cheerleader and it turns out I've been the biggest doubter on my team. Why would I do this?! I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and potential greatness because I have assumed I couldn't handle certain obstacles. Well I'm the fool! Because apparently I can be a single mother, run a business, maintain friendships, address my personal battles, work out, and keep my home from sinking all at once. Who knew?! I certainly didn't! Okay, fine I'm not perfect at it. There are moments where I get completely overwhelmed and call in outside forces to clean my house. It's possible that I have Merry Maids on speed dial but that is none of your never-mind. Maybe my kids' homework gets forgotten a night here or there. Or the whole last half of the school year if you want to be obnoxious and get technical about it. Perhaps my backlog of unedited footage is larger than it's ever been and when I list it all out and see how much work I have ahead of me, I hide under my covers with a bag of mini Twix for hours at a time - again none of your business. Sometimes "working out" consists of walking from my bed to the bathroom to pee and back. Stop judging me. And then there are moments when I contemplate the trials in my life that are causing me mass amounts of stress and sadness and I want to reside in a hot bath for the rest of forever and then actually attempt this scheme until my skin starts to fall off and my children grow restless with hunger at the bathroom door. However! At the end of the day I have always made progress. At the end of the day my children are fed and bathed and loved and snuggled. At the end of the day I am always exhausted from trying my best. Even when my best involves two hour baths and a bag of mini Twix. I have to cut myself some slack when I look at the giant bite I have to chew. I'm so proud and impressed with myself because damnit, I'm surviving! Even thriving I might say. I'm tackling the world all by my lonesome in ways I never thought possible. Life isn't turning out the way I had planned, but it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, I have a life that's good.