Tuesday, September 28, 2010

First Place! Voctory!!

Oh my poor neglected blog. I'm sure I've lost any readers I might have had. My life is insane. Insane I tell you. A few balls had to be dropped and my pathetic little blog was one of them. It was either my blog or Finn. I feel I made the right choice.

So my family and some of our dear friends get together from time to time and have writing contests. A few weeks ago we had one such writing contest with a Halloween theme. I opted for a humorous approach rather than scary. Well, I don't mind telling you that I WON! That is correct. First place. Me. High fives all around. Anyway, I thought I would share it with you to get you all excited for fall. ENJOY!

My Halloween - Start to Finish

Halloween started out rotten. By the time lunch rolled around I had given it a 2 out of 10 and that was being generous.
I decided to be a girlie skeleton with a hot pink bow this year. When I came down stairs my mom said I looked “spooky”. My dad said I looked “super spooky!”. “I was going for CUTE,” I said. “You look like you’re trying too hard,” said Megan.
Megan’s a brat. She’s 15. When she came down this morning she was dressed up like a strung out Lindsay Lohan. My mom yelled “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” and pointed an angry finger for her to go back upstairs and change. This is the sole reason that I had given the day a 2 out of 10 instead of a zero.
And then there is dad. For the third year in a row he is wearing a giant pot he constructed out of card board with wig hair glued all over it. Harry Potter. I might die of embarrassment if any of my friends see.
Rachel is my nice sister. She’s not wearing a costume because she’s 17 and she says that’s too old for costumes. I wonder why Dad didn’t get that memo. When I asked my mom why she’s not wearing a costume she said it’s because she just gave birth to twins and her unrecognizable excuse for a body is costume enough.
Speaking of the twins they are dressed up like Raggedy Ann and Andy. Everyone called them cute. In my opinion a girlie skeleton is way cuter than a couple of drooley lumps that look like freaky clowns with oversized red yarn wigs.
I’m living in the twilight zone.
We had scrambles eggs for breakfast which I strongly dislike. I say “strongly dislike” because my mom caught me using the word “hate” last week and I got in huge trouble. I’ve been instructed to use the phrase “strongly dislike” instead. Scrambled eggs definitely deserve to be in the “strongly dislike” category.
Rachel said she was going to drive me to school but she was running late so Harry Potter had to take me. Before we left I told Rachel if I die of embarrassment to give all my clothes to Zoe Green. Zoe Green is my best friend. She was dressed up as Hello Kitty but really she just looked like a cat. When I got to school she told me that she saw Kendra Holden in Main Hall and that she was dressed up like a girlie skeleton too except she had a hot necklace that looked like real bones.
I wanted to die. Kendra Holden is only the meanest most popular girl in the school. Plus I’ve always had the feeling she strongly dislikes me. That’s okay because I strongly dislike her right back.
I called my mom to see if she could bring me a different costume. I told her it was an emergency. I even started to cry, but she said one of the twins just exploded poop all over their costume and that she too was in crisis. Then she gave me the “Put on a Brave Face” talk. I strongly dislike the “Brave Face” talk. The “Brave Face” talk made me late for first period and I had to walk in late in front of John Kidner. It’s alright though because I’m pretty sure despite science and all the rules of physical matter I am virtually invisible to John Kidner.
Mr. Fitzpatrick gave a pop quiz in history 3rd period. Rude. Who gives pop quizes on a holiday? Miss Tanner said I looked “spooky” when she passed me on the way to 4th period. The next person who called me “spooky” was in serious danger of receiving spooky pop in the mouth. This coming from a non-violent person.
Mike Edwards and Mario Franco were rough housing in the hall and got yellow face paint on my black shirt. Mina Fillmore told me that Nolan Clark was planning on asking me to dance that night at the Halloween Hootenanny Ball. I really didn’t want to dance with Nolan Clark. He smells like a vitamin store.
It was doughnut day and they ran out of doughnuts two people ahead of me in the line at lunch. How can you run out of doughnuts on doughnut day? It was at this point I told Zoe that Halloween strongly disliked me and this day could not possibly get any worse. It was also at this point that somehow, it did get worse.
It got monumentally worse.
I looked up from my cold waxy pizza to see none other than Harry Potter parading through the cafeteria carrying a clown costume, with a huge smile on his face.
“This is it,” I thought to my self. “I will now experience death by embarrassment.”
I closed my eyes and waited for the sweet release. The white tunnel. The singing choir of angels. No such luck. I opened my eyes to see my dad standing proudly in front of me. “Mom told me about your dilemma. I had a long lunch today so I picked up this costume for you at Walmart!”
I snatched the clown costume from him. “Thanks Dad, I really appreciate it.” I managed to say without crying. I gave him a quick hug and a kiss and sent him on his way. As he awkwardly fumbled out of the cafeteria I felt my face turning scarlet red under my white make up. I rushed to my locker and as I was shoving the ridiculous clown costume inside I heard a boy’s voice say, “Hey Abby, was that your dad in the Harry Potter costume?”
I looked over my shoulder to see John Kidner.
I was paralyzed. Frozen. My delayed response was practically tangible.
“Um, yeah. He’s a real comedian, my dad,” I let out a mix of a cough and a nervous laugh, which sounded more like a pre-vomit burp. Shoot me.
“He looked pretty freaking awesome.” John smiled. “I wish my dad was cool like that.”
“Thanks,” I stuttered.
“So are you going to the Halloween dance thing tonight?” He asked.
“Yeah, for sure!” I said smiling.
“I guess I’ll see you there then.” He grinned and walked away. I hid behind my locker door with an idiotic grin on my face taking in the last glorious 20 seconds of my life.
This encounter single handedly bumped up the day’s rating to an 8!
Then I heard Kendra Holden’s bone necklace snapped in gym class and scattered all over the floor. I know it shouldn’t have, but this upped the day’s rating to a 9.
We were supposed to have shepherd’s pie for dinner which I despise because it is weird and the ingredients make no sense but we had hawaiian haystacks instead because mom said she knows it’s my favorite and she also knew I had a rough day. Little does she know my day was totally awesome. After all was said and done I can’t believe it, but according to my advanced rating system, Halloween received a solid 11!
John asked me to dance twice! I didn’t step on his toes or nervous-burp in his face (which after the earlier mishap was a big concern of mine). Nolan Clark asked me to dance, but it turns out he was just trying to see if he had a chance with Zoe. So Halloween does not strongly dislike me after all and the feeling is definitely mutual because this Halloween will go down in the history books as the best Halloween ever!


Zach and Codi said...

HUZZAH!!! YOU WON! Maybe you can find a cure for your pre-vomit burps with all the contest money you won! You did get money right?

The Gibbs said...

fantastic writing. i laughed...out loud. i'm so glad i get to bask in your funniness at november's bunco.

jayna said...

I feel proud that I was able to read this before the public at large...I'll always cherish a bit of that blue ribbon for myself...

Heather said...

That was so good Lilly! I didn't know you could write. Lincoln even just tried out his new teeth on me while nursing and it wasn't so bad cuz I was all interested in this! Sorry, TMI? :)

Natalie said...

You totally deserved to win, Lills. I still think you should try your hand at novel writing. You have such a great voice.

The Cannons said...

Did this happen to you.... Abby? Was I your muse? If so, who's Abby and how old were you in the story. I just read it to Chase and we were rolling. I love your writing style. One day you'll be famous!