I'm not going to pretend that I wasn't totally mortified. I think I might have let out a gasp of terror. My reaction was such for two reasons:
REASON #1:
This shirt is completely one hundred percent WHITE TRASH! Which, I hope you all would agree, WE ARE NOT. Here are just a few examples to reiterate this fact:
~I don't have a broken down car parked on my lawn
~I wear a bra
~When I wear said bra, it does not hang out three inches from my shirt for all to see
~I do not use phrases such as "I seen him yesterday" or "alls I know is" or "I come in before them" or my personal favorite "ex-specially".
~I don't call my children "little shits" (pardon the language)
~I have never asked another human being to pull my finger
~I am wise to the fact that the word "classy" is code for "trashy"
~My house does not smell like wet dog
I could go on, but I will spare you. This shirt, when worn outside the confines of my home screams "White trash jack ass on the loose! Don't stand too close lest you be subject to some sort of ignorant fart humor!" Again, mortified.
REASON #2
This lovely character is OBVIOUSLY supposed to be ME in this scenario! The obnoxious, nagging wife! - Bringing her man down, not letting him drink his beer and watch the game. Horrified I tell you! This is SO NOT how our relationship works! We are actually pretty great when it comes to compromise and sports. And Rob is SO NOT white trash! I can't imagine what POSSESSED him to make this hideous purchase. And he bought it at the ESPN Zone, (thanks millions ESPN) so you know that mess wasn't cheap.
I kindly expressed my dislike for the shirt in hopes that he would give it to a homeless person or D.I. or something. "Maybe we could cut it up and make it into cleaning rags that I can use to clean the house on game day!" I say. Unfortunately that little suggestion didn't go over too well and now he wears it when we get in a tiff. Such a mature fellow. I'm considering making a shirt that says:
"He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas!"
I am completely capable of pulling out all the white trash stops when necessary.
And this is how one achieves a successful marriage.
12 comments:
My husband also has this "lovely" logo on a mug, purchased the same ESPN Zone as well. And I hate it!!! Sometimes when I'm putting it away I seriously think about "accidently" dropping it so it will smash into a thousand pieces. And we are not white trash either.
Nice one Rob! (says Tyler)
Jackass... (says me)
p.s. why is to so true about white trash people yelling stuff at their kids? we had one neighbor repeatedly yell 'get in here 'fore I beat yours butts' at her...GRANDKIDS! (ALl done without disturbing the cig in her mouth...)
Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard. You've done this to me often lately Lilly. Quinn dresses white trash often. He has several pairs of holey cut-off shorts that he wears when he works in the yard. But at least they aren't blatantly offensive. I think a trip to DI is in order.
I SO want to see you wear the switching positions shirt. You could wear cutoff capris, pony tails, and black out one tooth as well.
OH--and don't shave/wax your legs for a month.
LOL! I love your posts and would agree that you are most definitely NOT white trash.
"I'm gonna kick your butt!" I'll never forget hearing Doots say that wonderful phrase over and over again, trying to be white trash. Good post. I'll pray for you.
My husband thinks it's funny to ask people to pull his finger.
No you are not white trash- but you play a lot nicer than me. I've been know to cut up and trash such items ;)
This was a good one. I laughed long & hard reading this. Thanks!
hahaha, nice. Lilly, you are so right.
when I seen this post I done almost crapped my pants. Alls I know is that's real funny, expecially the shirt you done made up yurself. Classy.
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