Wow what a little perspective won't do for you. I wrote this post about a month ago and I just reread it for the first time. At the time, I was LIVID, but reading it now makes me laugh hysterically. I originally posted it on my "girls only" blog, but now that the calm after the storm has arrived I will share it with all ya'll. Enjoy the horror. :) (Be forewarned, it's a bit dramatic)
I'm fuming and my hands are shaking as I type this. I am on the brink of hysterics.
Today was Maggie and Henry's 6 month dental check up. Of course I remembered 35 minutes before the event so I had to fly around the house finding shoes and brushing teeth with one hand while applying makeup and combing hair with the other. Both of my boys were sleeping peacefully so I had to yank them from their cozy warm beds to be primped and prodded at until they were both presentable. Henry, of COURSE, was in one of his "moods". This meant he cried and whined and lay limp like a doll while I dressed him and put shoes on his namby pamby feet. Then he snuck away from me for TWO SECONDS and shoved his mouth full of Mini Ritz Peanut Butter Crackers just as I was about to brush his teeth. So I said, "Come on Henry! We're late! Chew! Chew! Chew!" This was a bad idea. He stood with that mouth full of crackers and screamed at the top of his toddler lungs for FIFTEEN MINUTES! How he can scream at full throttle for fifteen minutes is completely beyond me. I swear he summons winged demons from the depths of hell to assist him with his tantrums. Unreal. At last we were ready. We were already thirteen minutes late leaving the house. Henry was still hysterical over the tooth brushing/cracker incident and refused to buckle his seat belt. "Don't MAKE me come back there!" I say already buckled, car started and in reverse in the drivers seat. He again began to break down into total hysterics. I held up my cell phone, "I'll call daddy and tell him all about it Henry! Don't think I won't!" The screaming reached it's full potential. So I dialed. Poor Rob answered the phone and I started in shouting into the phone (for Henry's benefit) the events of the past half hour. Not surprisingly, Rob could not understand a damn word I was saying except "Henry" and "dentist" and "screaming raging fit!" So of course he thinks that there is a dental emergency and that Henry is being attacked by the dentist. We were now seventeen minutes late. I tied to keep calm as I clumsily shuffled through the dentist's door carrying a car seat with a 17 pound baby in tow, a purse, a diaper bag, and a weeping Henry. The children immediately busied themselves with all the fascinating no doubt germ infested toys that adorned the office and I made my way to the front desk. "My insurance has changed", I say as I signed the children in. No problem, right? Oh no my friend. No. This is where my day gets REALLY ugly. They don't accept my new insurance. Or rather my new insurance does not accept THEM. I nearly wet myself with rage. I remained composed and smiled as I pried my children from the toys that I had lured them to the dentist with promises of playing with and loaded everyone back into the car. I could feel that my face was red as I made the drive home. And here it is folks. The icing on the cake. The cherry on top of my horrendous day. Are you ready for it? I called Rob to vent and complain about the devil and the antics he has been torturing me with all day and he said to me, "Don't you remember? The insurance didn't change. We thought it was changing, but it didn't after all." I very nearly wept. But I couldn't. I couldn't even speak. However, I think I might have vomited in my mouth a little bit. So now I sit here. I am exhausted and my kitchen is filthy. My children's teeth remain unchecked and I can smell a dirty diaper in the next room. I will now proceed to go and open a can of chocolate frosting and eat it with a spoon in response to today's charade. Yes. That can of chocolate frosting doesn't stand a chance.
8 comments:
I hate those days, hate em. The kind where your car won't start and you have to be in SLC in an hour for a doctors app. Or where your child paints with make-up all over the bathroom right as children arrive to be babysat. The devil take those days.
Seriously- it's like the stars align sometimes to make NOTHING work out. The only solace at those times IS in fact chocolate frosting. You were right to turn to it.
oh my hell. i can so identify because i had that day on Friday only I got to be stuck on the freeway for an hour and a half with the screaming. If only I'd had some frosting. Maybe that's why I ate a whole package of chocolate chips when I got home. My fat butt is starting to make more sense to me now...
Lilly. Bless your soul. Oh, and are you pregnant with Maggie's sister yet? You better get on that....
Between the tantrums, stinky diapers, and chocolate frosting you should really sit down and write a book. I'd be the first in line at your signing. I'm serious girl!! You can write!!
Days like these my friend, make anyone say why would anyone choose this? Thankfully those days come only once and a while.
hahahahahaha, mine is usually when I am trying to leave the house for work and Travis is sleeping and I really don't want to bug him but the two older demons are awake and demanding everything and crying/screaming because they want to come with me, which I occasionally let them do just so I can stop the insanity, which causes its own problems of getting clothes and hair and socks and shoes. . . and we are still planning on having at least one more of these such monsters, why!
My friend Lilly has way too much fun!
My friend Lilly has way too much fun!
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